Tuesday, December 13, 2016

The Ache of Time

 The Road that Leads to Life
"I fell to my knees and in spirit I felt the burning sands of time beneath me. In the depth of suffering....
(taken from meditation of the Magnificat)

This one is going to be a hard one, Mama. Soon, Dad's birthday will be here. To see your handwriting on Dad's birthday card this year, 2016, without your being physically present to give it to Dad, makes me burn inside. Sometimes I feel like I get it. I feel like I know you are no longer here physically, and then it hits. And, I am thrown back. It's hard to believe you are not here in the same way, and yet, you are here. I look at all the moments when you're here. Every. day.
Today CAleb was doing the puzzle and wasn't that so beautiful what he said?  I am sure you heard. He saw the butterflies, also known at our house as, Mimi, and he said there was a butterfly, MIMI, in the puzzle. He saw that you are here. And then, someone else found that what they had in food, something tangible, looked like a butterfly. You're here, Mom.

We made Dad's birthday gift. On Dec. 21, you will have been departed from us physically for 5 whole months. And, I ache.

You will never be gone. None of us was eve meant to be gone, but we are hidden from one another in ways, and the pain in that grips sometimes.

I miss you. I miss your "Him Sweet girl," or your "Oh, Mare," as you just got off the phone with one of our little treasures. I miss you, Mom. You told me we would never be apart. Please hold us all. We miss you so much.